Taking risks

Recently I applied for a couple of jobs online. Both would allow me to continue working remotely, so it probably doesn’t seem like a big risk. Even so, I couldn’t help feel worried as I posted my e-applications.

What are the risks?


If I’m successful they’ll want to contact me online, via the telephone or face-to-face. All of these forms of contact are frightening to various degrees. Even an IM exchange with someone new will make my heart race and my palms get cold and sweaty. Ask me to drive to, say, Birmingham for a meeting and I’ll likely spend a whole week feeling very sick.


If I get both the jobs then I’ll be very busy at least five days a week. For an Aspie this is exhausting. I like having a little slack time to relax, catch up with my reading and keep the house tidy. Working full time is tiring and I still remember how low I felt working full time and doing an extra two hours of overtime each day. I had very little energy for enjoying my fraction of free time. The housework suffered too.


If I get either job I’d like to do it well. This is the final risk. I’m not known for my self-confidence so any new job is going to be a test for me. Have I really got the skills/intelligence/dedication etc? If I don’t perform well then I’ll be letting a lot of people down!

If I get both jobs then I’ll be tired because of the extra hours so it’ll be even harder to do them both well.

It’s silly – if I get offered both positions I’ll probably have to turn one of them down, even though I can technically make time for both. I want both roles. They both sound fun and they both involve more money coming in for me which I need. Maybe I won’t get to choose?

I just hope I get one of them!


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