This week’s post is inspired by my latest weekend visit to see my other half’s university mates. This particular visit involved spending the whole weekend with 10 other adults (plus me and my other half) and five children under the age of three.
Does that sound like Hell to you? If you have Apsergers, probably it does. I was apprehensive too. I always am when faced with the prospect of these weekends. When I first started attending these gatherings I would often end up crying (mostly in secret), feeling exhausted (OK, this still happens), and generally feeling like a fish out of water.
I still feel a little out of place, but not as much as I used to. I still get very worried about the possibility of not having a private bedroom to retire to, although I’ve been lucky most times. I still get tired, and I’m always the first person to go to bed. But I have stopped crying. I don’t get nearly as freaked out as I used to.
These changes have not come quickly. It has taken several years, with two or three weekend visits each year. I have only stuck with them because I know they’re very important to my other half. Now I feel it’s worth it, because I can see that I’m making progress and I have learned to like the people I spend these weekends with.
I still think it would be easier to see them in smaller groups, but it’s not usually practical to do so. And it doesn’t really matter, because I can cope with seeing them all at once.
That is why I chose the title for this post, because there is always hope, even when you feel hopeless.