No escape

Life is not Sky+. You can’t pause it or fast forward bits you don’t want or switch it off and on again. Life just carries on and shutting your eyes or sticking your hands over your ears won’t help anything.

Do I sound depressed? I’m not. I’m just feeling some leftover stress from what happened last week. I had to call an ambulance for my baby.

She’s fine now, and everything’s back to normal at home. But last Tuesday I was more afraid than I’ve ever been and I had to spend the night alone with my daughter in a hospital. For an Aspie, that means stress caused by the new place and schedule as well as the stress of having an ill child. I barely slept.

The hospital was too bright, and there were so many noises overnight. The sound of people in other rooms using their toilet. The sound of doctors and nurses walking down the corridor. The sound of nurses coming into our room to check my baby’s vital signs. The sound of my baby rolling around in her sleep and grinding her teeth. The sound of other patients’ buzzers in other rooms… so many noises!

From the moment I noticed something was wrong until the moment we were discharged, I was on auto pilot. I wanted to cry and run away and more than anything I wanted it to not be happening. There is no escape from this. No safety zone. No retreat. Sometimes life is just crap.

I hope that never happens again.