Is this me?

Not to be confused with my last post, (where I considered the Aspie’s perception of themselves versus their culture), today I am thinking about how we get to where we are now.

I still assume that many people will perceive me as a mousy, quiet, under-achiever who hasn’t really ‘made it’. At the same time, I’m employed as a company Director, and I’m training to become a qualified management accountant. I have two degrees, and I’m a mum.

I recently passed another exam and yet, here I am, still wondering if this is me. I feel under-qualified. I feel a hint of embarrassment using my Director’s email signature. I am still playing lackey to other people in the same company.

When I think about my career path, it feels like some strange accident has put me in this position. I still remember the awful feeling of not gelling with teams, of knowing my managers didn’t think I was up to the job. I have carried this ‘fish out of water’ sensation with me for the last 11 years.

It’s ridiculous, but I still lose confidence so easily.

I’m glad I kept trying. I will keep doing that.