Do you find emotions overwhelming and difficult to experience? I try to avoid certain thoughts so that I won’t become sad but they linger at the back of my mind and I know they’re there. I’m quick to cry these days, for sadness and joy. It’s easy to feel unstable. Unsafe.
It’s an unfortunate fact that the more you have, the more you have to lose. When I was younger, it seemed as if I had nothing to lose. Now I have so much. That’s why it’s easy to cry if I hear about someone else’s loss, or someone else’s gain. Life is fragile and the Aspie mind doesn’t seem to make a good filter.
I recently heard a piece of music that made me think a question I’d asked years ago had been answered. Something about the tune just reminded me of how I used to feel, when I thought the Universe had abandoned me. That memory made me think about how different things are now. I cannot erase that history – that old feeling. But I can now embrace those emotions, just a little, without falling into despair, because I feel saved.