Pressed against the glass

Anyone who read my last post won’t be surprised to hear that I’ve been feeling lonely. I thought I was going to get a new job soon but their recruitment process is on hold and I feel really deflated. It’s not easy to find a job that suits my hours, skills, and being an aspie! Finally I thought I’d found one but, well, maybe it’ll come back to me in a month or two.

In the meantime I’ve been seeing a lot of friends. I don’t mean my friends, I just mean that whenever I go out there seem to be lots of pairs or threesomes of women talking and laughing together. I especially see a lot of ‘mum friends’. I don’t get to see my friends very often and I never had any close mum friends. It makes me sad. Sometimes I can see the babies and toddlers that are with the mum friends look bored and I wish the mums would talk more to them. Mostly I just wish I was better at making connections. Maybe then I’d be out on a weekday with a mum friend from my antenatal group, instead of always walking on my own.

It occurred to me today, as I was out on my own again, that it’s not surprising for someone with Asperger’s to feel lonely. We are a minority, and our lack of social prowess makes it hard for us to find and connect with each other. I know you’re all out there, and sometimes you like or comment on my posts and that’s nice.

I think I must try harder to make the best of things. I am still a very lucky person. I don’t live in a war zone. I don’t have Mast Cell Activation Syndrome. I’m not homeless. I do have people in my life who love me and who understand who I am. It is time to stop feeling like a child outside a sweetshop.

Who’s with me?

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